Pirates of Saturn (The Saturn Series Book 2) Page 6

  Spruck mumbled, “Right, and find free housing and charging where else exactly?” As he said this, he noticed that one of the bidder’s seated below them wasn’t human. Like all androids, it was white, and it sat with the erect posture of a machine. It was an Asian style male, typical of those used in the service industry; tall, lithe, and pleasant to the eye, neither too handsome, nor overbearing looking. It wore a simple robe with an unidentifiable oriental pattern. Spruck elbowed Caleb and nodded toward it. “Since when do bots bid on bots?”

  Caleb took it in. “Probably a proxy.”

  The robot shifted as though it had perhaps heard their conversation, but kept its focus on the stage.

  The Ringmaster spread his arms toward the bidders. “Let’s begin.” He gestured toward Link standing closest to him. “Minimum bid is seventy-five thousand.“

  The robot in the robe raised its bidding paddle.

  Caleb said to Spruck, “See. Told you.”

  The Ringmaster said, “I have seventy-five, do I hear eighty?”

  A woman wearing a business suit raised her paddle.

  Link seemed to stand just a bit taller.

  The robed bot raised the bid to ninety, and the Ringmaster was about to turn back to the woman in the business suit when Jada cut him off. “Two-mil for all ‘em. Cept the pretty one wit the dented skull and the dom. wit the shredded head.”

  The other bidders broke into various gasps, groans, and protests. The Ringmaster was a bit thrown but recovered quickly. “Uh, the bidding is for each individual bot.” He gestured toward Link again. The current bid stands at—“

  Jada cut him off again. “Offer still stands. Two-mil for the merch ain’t broke. Put up ’er shut up.”

  The Ringmaster cleared his throat. “Madam, perhaps you didn’t hear —“

  “Put up ’er shut up. Nothin’ in yo all’s rules bout one bid ats a time. And it be Ms, to yo.”

  The Ringmaster looked across the confused and angry other bidders. He put his hand to his ear, listening while glancing up at the box with the darkened window. He nodded. “Um. The lady has a point.” He looked between the robed bot and the woman in the business suit. “If there is another bidder who would like to tender an offer on these eleven, I have two million.”

  The crowd broke into angry shouts. The robed bot turned and briefly took in Jada. She cocked an eyebrow at it as if to say, yo gots a problem? The machine turned away and resumed its rigid pose.

  Spruck said, “A hundred-eighty-two K for a used bot? Who does that? Not to mention the sentience issue. A new commercial job is two-hundred. And a dom. is no more than one-fifty.”

  Jennifer said, “Well this was a bust.”

  Caleb snorted, “Like I’ve said over and over, we’re better off upgrading our exo’s.”

  Spruck said, “Dude. You’ve been whining about missing Bert since we got back together: How many times have you said, Sure wish the snowflake was here. Could send him out to do this.”

  Nat said, “Yeah, Day-boy, you’re the number one bitch when it comes to doin’ exo work.”

  Caleb gave her a side glance, saying, “Don’t call me Day-boy. And I do most of the exo work, so I get to bitch.”

  Natalie rolled her eyes and shrugged agreement.

  The bidders continued to fuss, but the Ringmaster out-shouted them. “Two million going once, going twice?” He paused. “Three times. Ms. Black Leather takes the bulk of the lot.” He looked at the eleven bots. “Agreed?”

  They all nodded their assent.

  The other bidders again burst into shouting. The Ringmaster held up his hand and gestured toward Ginger. “We’ll move onto this lovely pleasure model, which I’m sure can be repaired at a nominal price.”

  Ginger continued to hold her head at an awkward angle, sitting like a lobotomized mental patient.

  “Can I get an opening bid of thirty-thousand?” The crowd met this with silence. “Oh, come now. Even for scrap she’s worth twenty-five. Do I hear twenty-five?”

  A man called out, “Nineteen.”

  The Ringmaster said, “That’s a start,” then with practiced ease his voice took on the cadence of a classic auctioneer. “Do I hear nineteen-five, nineteen-five, nineteen-five?” until the bidding stopped at twenty-two.

  Hee Sook remained standing to one side. The Ringmaster stepped next to her, the spotlight following. She attempted to turn the mangled side of her face away from the bidders as best she could. The Ringmaster said, “OK. A bit ugly now, but domestics aren’t known for their looks. Pretend that it’s a rare male model.” Then under his breath, “Not like it’s equipped either way.” Hee Sook found herself self-consciously holding her hands together in front of her crotch.

  The Ringmaster continued to the crowd, “I’m sure the foot can be repaired at any tune-up shop. Let’s start at seventy-five. Do I hear seventy-five?”

  A woman wearing a welder’s coat called out, “Seventy.”

  The Ringmaster offered a condescending smile. “Still waiting on seventy-five. Do I hear seventy-five?”

  Spruck spoke mostly to himself, “I can fix that foot.”

  Caleb said, “Dude, that piece of crap isn’t what we came for.”

  Jennifer said, “Can it go outside without a suit?”

  Caleb sighed in frustration.

  The woman who had offered seventy said, “Seventy-two!”

  Natalie blurted out, “Seventy-three!” Her companions turned to her in surprise. She said, “What? Jen’s right. Where we gonna get any bot for that price?”

  The Ringmaster shrugged and belted out, “I’ve got seventy-three. Do I hear seventy-four? Seventy-four, Seventy-four?”

  The welder-woman said, “Seventy-four!”

  A man dressed in a cheap suit said, “Seventy-six”

  “Seventy-six, seventy-six. Hear seventy-seven? Seventy-seven?”

  “Eighty!” yelled Natalie, the bidding fever in her eyes.

  Caleb said, “Christ, Nat!”

  The Ringmaster kept up his call. “I have eighty.”

  Cheap suited guy said, “Eighty-two!”

  Hee Sook turned to face her bidders head on, starting with the welder woman, then Cheap Suit, then making eye contact with Natalie, Spruck, Jen, and finally Caleb. Her shredded face moved into a grotesque but somehow sweet smile. She bowed her head slightly and closed her eyes. Caleb said, “Aw screw it. Eighty-five!” His friends all turned to him now. He said, “What? It’s like Nat said, Jen’s right.”

  The Ringmaster tried in vain to drag out another grand, and finally barked, “Sold! To the gentleman sporting the soul patch.”

  Caleb self-consciously reached up and touched the hair growing under his lower lip.

  The Ringmaster turned to Hee Sook. “Agreed?”

  She looked at each of the gang in turn. Her speech slurred slightly though her mangled mouth. “Agreed.”

  Cheesecake escorted them to the basement locker rooms below the gymnasium. As they walked down the hall, they passed the big-spenders who had bought the eleven other bots. The leather-clad woman with the nasty knife on her back, sized Caleb up like a potential meal, then raised a come hither eyebrow.

  Jen noticed it, and turned on the woman. “Hey! That’s twice I’ve seen you do that. You got a problem?”

  Jada Temple’s smile shifted to that of a cunning feline. She ignored the question, instead, giving Caleb elevator eyes.

  Jennifer said, “Hey! That’s enough!”

  Jada turned her attention to Jennifer, giving her the same once-over. “Ain’t you cute. Them titties real?”

  “F off. Learn some manners.”

  Caleb was so thrilled to be the object of a potential catfight he almost missed the genuine menace in the woman’s eyes. He knew the look too well. The eyes of a psychopath. He said to Jada, “I’m flattered. Really. Have fun with your new bots.” He took Jen’s arm and pulled her in the opposite direction. “Come on, hon.”

  Jen unsuccessfully yanked to get him to release he
r. “Don’t hon me.”

  Jada laughed and caught up with her entourage. Caleb and Jennifer caught up with Spruck and Natalie, who had stopped to watch.

  Natalie said, “What was that about?”

  Jennifer got her arm free and said, “That, that woman, if you want to call her that, was checking out Caleb in a way that was almost gross.”

  Caleb said, “Gross seems a bit strong. She just noticed a handsome piece of beefcake strolling by.”

  Spruck laughed. “Ha! You hear that one, Cheesecake?”

  The robot Cheesecake slightly cocked its head. “I heard the words Mr. Day spoke, Mr. Jones. Forgive my programing for not understanding the humor in it.”

  Caleb leaned into Jen, “I didn’t know you got jealous.”

  She planted an elbow into him and stepped ahead a pace.

  Cheesecake pointed them into a room where Hee Sook sat on an exam table and silently sent her the names of this group of winning bidders. With a nod, he stepped back into the hallway saying, “Consider this delivery and receipt. Your credit for the transaction has cleared.” The bot spun on its heel and sauntered away.

  Hee Sook kept her eyes slightly cast down while she slowly took in the humans. Her dangling eye had been returned to its damaged socket.

  Another robot stood next to her wearing a coverall with a repair company logo on the back. Its name tag read WOtto179. It finished seaming two ripped pieces of her cheek skin back together, then took a step back and addressed the humans. “Good day. This model HeeS2 requires repairs that are beyond the capacity of my portable repair kit. I was able to restore the damaged foot. However, the synthetic skin is too damaged for self-repair and needs to be completely re-printed from factory spec. Additionally, the left cranial section above the missing ear will need to be cut out and patched in with a newly printed section. As we do not have access to rhenium, substitute composites will be required. Iridium is the best we can offer. I have calculated that it will require fifty-eight thousand monetary units to restore this S2 to factory specs. The work can be done at my company shop and completed within thirty-six Earth hours.”

  Caleb blurted, “Fifty-eig—“

  He was cut off by Spruck who said, “Not necessary. We can get her close enough.”

  Hee Sook looked up with worry. She spoke using a soft subservient voice that nevertheless had some bite to it. “What do you consider close enough, Mr. Jones?”

  Spruck said, “Call me Spruck. I can’t promise a pretty face, but you’ll have something that looks like skin there.”

  “We all want her to have her pretty face, baby,” said Natalie.

  Caleb said, “We didn’t buy her for her face, but I got to agree. I don’t want to have to look at that every day.”

  Hee Sook said, “You didn’t buy me, Mr. Day. Per the contract, you paid for an exchange. Labor for energy. I otherwise maintain the free will of any sentient being. If you wish, I can transmit a copy of the contract to your personal device.”

  Natalie said, “Ooh, girl’s got sass. You and I are gonna get along just fine, honey.”

  Hee Sook cast her eyes back down. “Forgive me. I do not wish to act in a manner that suggests that I am difficult.”

  Natalie laughed. “With this crowd, honey, sass is an asset.”

  Spruck stepped close and lifted the robot’s chin to angle her damaged face toward the overhead lighting. “Hm. Not sure, but I’ve got some ideas.”

  Jen said, “Whatever we do, we can’t leave it…her like that. Frankly, we don’t need the stares she’ll cause.”

  Caleb said, “We’re not spending fifty-eight K either.”

  “I didn’t say we were.” She turned to the repair bot. “Can you fix the face for twenty? Maybe with spare parts?”

  The bot said, “HeeS models are not common, an S2 even less so. As such, the parts are not readily available. Please wait while I confirm.” It paused for a moment, then, “The current spare parts database shows no used S2 heads. There is an S3. If you are not aware, S3’s were made to look more human, with just a bit of color in its otherwise white skin. The body on the available S3 suffers from significant damage due to reasons unspecified.” He made a somewhat mechanical gesture toward Hee Sook. “As this S2 has achieved a programming level that I cannot identify, a full data swap is not possible. Thus a head exchange would not be possible. However, I can swap out a piece of the skull and all of the head skin. Though I must caution, S3s have a neck length that is one centimeter longer than the S2. Therefor, the transferred neck skin will not line up perfectly and some bulging will occur at the shoulder. This can be cut away. The resulting scarring made hidden by correct outerwear. If you are agreeable to this solution, it can be completed for forty-nine thousand monetary units. I have also been authorized to offer a cash discount of twenty percent in exchange for gold bullion.”

  Hee Sook looked at her new companions with hope.

  Jennifer offered her a sympathetic chuckle. “I say yes. I’ll pay whatever you guys don’t want to with my next share.”

  Caleb said, “Lets just get her one of those scarves like the Muslims wear. Cheap fix.”

  Hee Sook cast her eyes down again.

  Jennifer gave Caleb a skeptical look and turned to the robot. “Hee Sook, would you be okay with that? A scarf? Maybe just for now?”

  Hee Sook looked up. “You are asking my opinion?”

  “Yes. You’re one of us now.”

  The robot cast her eyes about, various calculations firing around inside her digital cortex. She looked at each of them in turn. “A generic scarf of some sort might work. As to a hijab, I was taught to respect every faith. I would not feel right posing as something I am not.”

  Caleb smacked his forehead. “Great. A bot with a conscience.”

  Hee Sook smiled. “I do not wish to be difficult. However, you stated that you did not want my looks to be attention grabbing. Robotic assistants are not known for making fashion choices. Humans prefer us to stay on the far side of the Uncanny Valley. We are generic for a reason.”

  Jennifer said to the group, “She’s right.” To the repair bot, she said, “We’ll take your fix.”

  “Very well. I must obtain the S3 head. I have sent the location of my shop to your wrist device. Please meet me there in one-point-three-one-hours.”

  Jennifer said to the rest, “I’ll go with her.”

  The repair bot said, “Is there anything else I might offer?”

  Caleb nodded, “We’re good, bud.”

  The repair bot cocked its head. “By stating we’re good, I assume that you are using the same colloquialism as the other persons who participated in this event. They also stated that they were good. The assumption being, not that they were good persons, per se, but rather, that they were finished with my services.”

  Caleb said, “OK. Go away now.”

  “Yes, sir.” The bot left.

  Caleb said, “What wise-ass moron wrote the code for dumb stuff like that?”

  Hee Sook stood to her full height of 152 centimeters. She spoke while self-consciously touching her tattered, badly repaired cheek. “The learning algorithms in a typical android are designed to assimilate with the persons that the robot spends the most time with. In this case, it is likely that WOtto179 is owned by a person or persons whose first language is not English, and therefor misunderstandings about colloquialisms occur.”

  Caleb said sarcastically, “Yeah? You think?”

  Without irony, Hee Sook said, “I do.”

  Caleb said, “Whatever. The sooner we get out of this crappy city the sooner Miss Sook here can be doing some much needed outdoor maintenance on Diamond.”

  Hee Sook looked from Caleb to Jennifer. “Forgive me. May I ask what Diamond is? I assume it is not a gem.”

  Caleb said, “It’s my ride.” He looked at Jennifer. “Our ride. Our other ship. It’s uh, got some special features that make it conspicuous, so it’s parked off the station right now. It needs some minor repair work.”


  Hee Sook said, “I see. So when you say, outdoor maintenance, you are implying that you require me to do this repair work, and that this repair work is in vacuum.”

  “Man, you catch on fast,” he said sarcastically.

  Hee Sook said, “I am a domestic model. I do not want to disappoint you, but I am programed…was programmed for typical housework. I know nothing of repairing spaceships. The only spaceships I have been in were the Hanson building that brought me to the Saturn System and the shuttle that brought me here to Soul.”

  The four humans looked at their new acquisition with matching consternation. Spruck finally said, “Bah. Don’t sweat it. I’ll walk you through it. If you’ve ever used a screwdriver, you’ll be able to do this.”

  “I have never used a screwdriver. My original programing included this skill. However, the nano virus that rebuilt my quantum processors overwrote many skills that had not been previously accessed.”

  Again, they looked at her, all of them a bit stumped. Hee Sook said, “But, the concept still exists.” She offered a ghastly torn smile. “I’m willing to learn.”

  Caleb slapped her on the shoulder. “There you are. That’s the spirit.”